A lot can really happen in 4.6 years.
I left the UK with the heaviest heart, leaving behind what I had identified as true joy and belonging, to many confusions and frustrations. Sometimes, it feels like I’ve never left – and all of whom I thought I’ve grown into, in my years there, disintegrated as I set foot in my home country once more.
Suddenly, difficult choices had to be made. As I considered feelings and comfort and well-being of others over my own, I slowly began to lose track of myself. Then, the people whom I’ve lived for passed on one by one, and I wondered what it was all for.
Until now, I still have moments where I feel lost and lonely and scared – perhaps, this is something that everyone will have to live with. My life so far has been quite a roller-coaster of a ride, as it should be. I’ve lost a lot, but I’ve gained many happy moments regardless.
I haven’t been very good at proactively doing things that make me happy – and documenting it. But tonight, I feel inclined to try again.
It’s good to be back in My Happy Place.
I stumbled into an exhibition while window shopping at the mall quite close to Earth Day 2013. It showcased past Earth Day posters and I’d like to share some animal ones that I quite like.
Girls should really learn to just take pictures of the object they want to show, eh?
Eek, sea unicorn! I mean, narwhal *cough*
I took the pictures with my phone, so the quality is a bit compromised. Apologies.
So, I know I haven’t posted for some impressive length of time, but I believe I have a good enough reason. About three months ago, I moved back to my home country, leaving the only man I ever love and some godly good friends behind. Needless to say, it’s been quite tough. I swear, every hour I spent on my own with nothing to keep my mind from wandering, I fell deeper into sorrow. The first few weeks of being home, I kept forcing myself to bake, get high on sugar and then bake again until the exhaustion finally allowed me some sleep. Yup, some painful times were spent.
But, I don’t really want to talk about all that gloomy, depressing stuff – this is my happy place after all! And I’m happy to say that after 3 months of unintentional, self-imposed mental torture, a refreshing holiday to Japan and a daring hair makeover (see below), I’m finally okay enough to show my presence here. I think, Hello 🙂
Wee, I’m a (bottle) redhead now!
So, brace yourself internet folks, many short updates are to follow.
While walking down the memory lane (or more accurately, browsing through people’s old Multiply accounts), I found a poem my sister wrote for me back in the days when I was younger (and emo). The poem was a response to a rather suicidal one I wrote, which she thought was powerful yet so very dark (so I won’t share it here). I don’t think I understood her poem at all when I first read it years back, but, I think I know now what she’s trying to get at. When she wrote it, she was about my current age and it’s weird how the poem feels very familiar. It feels as if it was written by present me, for me.
Yesterday I wondered
Why tomorrow comes
And today I write
my thoughts down
If only now exists
Then where did yesterday go
If only now exists
Why worry about tomorrow
What is the past
When is the future
What of a world that only has now?
Never knowing the years, minutes, and hours
Everyday is today
Today is yesterday
Yesterday is tomorrow
Tomorrow is everyday
If now is the beginning and the end
If now is everything and the only one
What if time is alive
living inside each of us
What if time does not flow
but has always stopped
What would you do?
What stories can you make?
If you only have now
This entry doesn’t really fit any of the categories I listed on my blog, but, it definitely is one of my favourite happy things. I found it in good time as well as I’m feeling overwhelmed with life and work at the moment. The poem definitely serves as a great reminder for me to take things one at a time and to not worry too much about what effects my present action would have on my future. Because, although this is a rather grim way of putting it, who’s to say that I definitely will have one?
I hope no one else is freaking out about the future, but, if you are, just try and take it one step at a time. And, though easier said than done, relax. We’ll be fine.
This is a beautiful and precious story about a 9-year old boy with the ingenuity to build his own arcade using cardboard. What I love most about this is, not only that the Dad is super cool with letting his son make things and put it on his store, he seems rather proud of his son’s inventions! And who wouldn’t be? How I wish I live nearby ‘cos I would really like to meet with this inspirational little man and obviously have a go at his handmade arcade 🙂
The video is about 11 minutes long, but, I promise you, it’ll be worth watching. It definitely brought happy tears to my eyes. I hope that this video would increase your sensitivity towards children’s creativity; and if you notice one budding, do give it all the love and support it needs to grow. You will never know where their passion will take them. Robert Manning, a rocket scientist at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory of California Institute of Technology, once built cardboard rockets when he was Caine’s age. Now, he’s out there making real ones.